Source: Detroit News, Free Press to move to Mexico

February 20, 2014
By
(Source: Wikimedia Commons)

This is not actually happening. This is a joke. (Source: Wikimedia Commons)

The DetroitNews and the Detroit Free Press, as well as their business agency, will relocate to Mexico later this year, likely outsourcing the majority of editorial positions to the Mexican city of Silao, according to a source who spoke to Metro Times on condition of “serious” anonymity. [EDIT: The following is an ill-conceived joke we thought was funny while drinking coffee in the MT office yesterday morning. This is not real. It is a joke. Got it?]

Real estate experts speculated last year that the two dailies would move down the street into the Federal Reserve building at 160 W. Fort, owned by Quicken Loans founder Dan Gilbert. Instead, the Detroit Media Partnership will move operations to the Warren-sized city in the west-central part of the Mexican state of Guanajuato, a decision that will affect roughly 600 employees, the source said.

“I’m stunned,” the source told Metro Times. “I don’t think any employee could’ve seen this coming.”

Free Press owner Gannett Co., Inc., which owns a 95 percent stake in the Detroit Media Partnership that governs the business operations of both newspapers, called the move “unprecedented” late Wednesday.

“The Freep and News had outgrown their previous building, and this move will allow them to continue unfettered, with a revamped staff,” said Gracia Martore, Gannett CEO, during a press conference delivered online over Skype Wednesday. “Obviously, we were looking for the most competitive labor costs,” she said. Though Martore declined to disclose the new wage scale, she appeared so overwhelmed with excitement about the imminent cost savings, she began levitating several feet in the air.

No details of the deal were made immediately available by Martore. As Crain’s Detroit Business reports, both papers have downsized staff and cut costs in recent years.

The source familiar with the deal told Metro Times that Nolan Finley, Detroit News editorial page editor, will be replaced with Pedro Lucas, a rising star in the Mexican conservative commentariat. It’s unclear if any current staff will relocate to Mexico, but the source said both papers will likely maintain a Sunday joint publication, and, in a surprise move to industry experts who spoke with Metro Times, return to a seven-day delivery, thanks to relaxed visa laws that will allow 1,000 Mexican braceros to move to the Detroit area, where they’ll be paid 15 cents a day to haul the papers door-to-door throughout metro Detroit.

It’s unclear what will happen with the dailies’ former home at 615 W. Lafayette.

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  • David Silverman

    So MetroTimes is trying to be The Onion?

  • Kathy

    I’m guessing that this is series of April Fool’s joke that will end on April 1

  • Leaf Erikson

    Ummm…WHAT?

  • http://rmeray.com Ryan Meray

    Oh, how precious, someone thinks they’re the next Borowitz.

  • Detroiting

    This article is a waste of time, energy, and words. The satire is weak, unfounded, and untimely. I was confused initially, and bored secondarily. Clumsy and misplaced. Worst piece I’ve stumbled upon all week.

  • LJD

    Metro Times should definitely not try comedy ever again. Ever.

  • Stop

    This article gave me cancer

  • Des

    FAIL

  • Narby1

    I hope they have an English as well as a Spanish edition.

  • stu

    I think the Metro Times has relocated to its own anus.

  • Leaf Erikson

    I’m glad I read this a second time. “…levitating several feet in the air”. I get it, now. Y’all silly for this!

  • Jay Greene

    The actual news story is funnier than this blog, although the idea that a company would move from Detroit to Mexico to lower its labor costs isn’t that funny. I mean, who would believe that a Detroit auto manufacturer would lay off thousands of union workers to open a plant with non-union people in Mexico. Unheard of!

  • grump

    This is really dumb. I know that journalism is dead and clickbait nonsense is on the rise, but you do realize that being a news site, it shows up on google news feed, etc. right? The unfunny fake news plague is bad enough but doing it on what is supposed to be an actual news site pretty much throws any credibility out the window.

  • DetroitMark

    stupid. Comedy isn’t funny when you have to use footnotes. In fact it’s not even comedy at that point.

    It’s just moments in lives we’ll never get back.

  • TypoCatcher

    This might — might — have worked on April 1; it’s been done before (and done better) by people who actually have a gift for employing humor in their writing.