Dave Agema’s Facebook Tea Party

January 17, 2014
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Dave Agema can't stop talking about gays. Don't tell him about internalized homophobia, though. Might get awkward.

Dave Agema can’t stop talking about gays. Don’t tell him about internalized homophobia, though. Might get awkward.

There was a time when Michigan politics-watchers had to attend meetings and news conferences to see the nutty outbursts of wacko supporters rallying around their favorite out-there politician. Thanks to the magic of social networking, we can now access all that zaniness at the touch of a button or two.

Which brings us to the Facebook page of Dave Agema, who has become something of a celebrity due to his anti-gay Facebook postings. You get the sense that, on slow news days, the media camp out on his public page, waiting for Mount Agema to erupt with some gay-bashing comment so they can log another story. (Which is totally different from what we’re doing with this blog post, of course!)

What amazes us is that anybody has to wait for the Oracle of Agema to make any pronouncement: Just look at all the weirdos who post to his page! If you need to quickly take the temperature of some of the more feverish nutballs living outstate and their hallucinated politics, Agema’s Facebook page should be your first stop.

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Typical fearmongering post on Agema’s Facebook page.

Whoooeee! It’s sort of fun to watch the Republican Party implode on itself, isn’t it? For years, the Republican Party leaders encouraged a kind of revisionist mindset among their faithful, a worldview that perhaps didn’t conform with the facts but went along with their market-friendly dictums. Who’d have thought that would come back to bite them in the ass? Don’t want to be a RINO? Then you had better get on board with this “clash of cultures” lunacy as well…

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tl; dr

What makes this post so great is all the childish pussyfooting: “Hey! Dave’s OK! He can say whatever he wants to! But he was only responding to somebody else! And he didn’t even write it!” Nice job on that “Miracle-Gro” metaphor, as well!

No special rights for people just because of their "heratige."

No special rights for people just because of their “heratige!”

More pussyfooting. Dave isn’t anti-gay, you know. He’s simply opposed to such “privaliges” as not being discriminated against. And if that infuriates those whatchamacallems, then, well, you know, it’s just their own problem.

Right. Women regularly carry their pregnancy to term only to be snuffed out at the Democratic Party's $10 million "Choroformitorium."

Right. Women regularly carry their pregnancy to term only to be snuffed out at the Democratic Party’s $10 million “Choroformitorium.”

Probably unfamiliar with actual family planning clinics, this writer suggests that if abortion doesn’t work, Democrats are so evil that they will try to abort a fetus,  and if they fail, and this fetus somehow fights its way out of its mother’s body, they will slay the recalcitrant fetus by any means necessary. Has this ever happened? Outside of the fevered mind of a Dave Agema supporter, has a third-trimester fetus ever come out of its mother “guns blazing” so to speak, and walked out of the abortion clinic like Dirty Harry or something? We doubt it.

As for Democrats trying to remove “God” from the national platform, if you want to be clear about it, the “God” part was added to the Pledge of Allegiance under a Republican president in the 1950s. Aw, hell. Why provide the link? They’ll probably just say it’s more revisionist history and move on to the next paranoia-fueled fiction.

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“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t have more babies?”

Well, this is odd indeed. First of all, we know a Muslim or three, OK? This looks really nothing like 99 percent of them. Note the all-black get-up, the pointed finger. Pull aside the mask and you’ll see the eyes of some evil but charismatic svengali, right? Nonsense. We know Muslims who look more like a nail-filing, perm-flipping Long Island gal or the all-American quarterback from a football team than anybody who looks like this. Apparently, yahoos out in Kent County have never seen a Muslim, or they’d understand that Islam is about as monolithic as Christianity, and the sort of full-body sartorial hijab pictured here is about as extreme as it is rare.

Odder still is the implication that Muslims shouldn’t be birthing so many darn babies! How would Muslim women do that? Aren’t they under the dominion of their husbands, fathers and masters? (Another oriental fantasy. I know Middle Eastern women who can tell any man where to go — and it isn’t Albuquerque!) Well, given the parameters of this fictional universe, it is a problem to come to a solution. The wives are bound to obey their husbands, and the husbands likely get them pregnant. So how do these pregnant Islamic women not give birth to babies? Or rather, how does a pregnant woman, not wanting to threaten the Christians of the world, become … unpregnant?

Well, we’ll leave that for another time…

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