City Slang: Ten things Detroit can learn from Miley Cyrus

August 26, 2013
By

Miley

1. If you grind Robin Thicke while sticking your tongue out, the buzz on the net will quit focusing on bankruptcy. Get to work, Kevyn Orr.

2. Teddy Bears are not sexy, unless you’re a furry. The furry market is increasingly lucrative though, and we have houses to fill in Detroit. Grinding a teddy bear might just work. Anyone?

3. It’s always a good idea to shock Will Smith. Anything we can do to achieve that, go for it.

4. If your dad recorded “Achy Breaky Heart,” you have to work really hard to out-poop him. I’m going to shoe-horn that to have something to do with Detroit’s current politicians having to work harder than the previous bunch.

5. Big foam fingers can be used for more than cheering on the Lions and Wings. Who knew?

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6. Really though, teddy bears are never sexy.

7. If you want to lose your shit on stage in front of a TV audience of millions, do it alongside the most banal pop singer in history. Enter Mr. Thicke. Time for that Bieber duet, Iggy.

8. Don’t bend over in front of a man who seems to be wearing prison stripes. Ever.

9. Skaters of Detroit – if your pants are touching your lungs, they might be too tight.

10. Robot teddy bears are not as cool as Robocop.


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  • Cody

    this is attention-grabbing fucking garbage. lamer than the act itself.

  • Chris

    Talk about banal– I feel I just read an article from a middle school newspaper.

  • That dood

    Jesus that was stupid.