City Slang: American Idol is pure evil

January 23, 2014
By

American Idol

Yes, I know. No surprises there. It’s a bullshit TV show designed to find the next banal pop star for the masses to salivate all over. Personally, I hadn’t watched the thing in years, if at all (I’ve seen one of the TV talent shows before, I just can’t remember which one).

But on Wednesday night, I forced myself to sit and watch an hour or so of the show due to the fact that the auditions were in Detroit. “Surely, we’ll be able to find enough talent in this city to shake this thing up,” I thought to myself. Sadly, all manner of indenti-kit John Mayer and Whitney Houston tributes were dragged in from all over the nation.

But the real evil, the pure bile, was spilled out by the three judges. First of all, what the fuck is Jennifer Lopez doing judging a singing contest? Seeing Jenny from the Block sat there picking out the slightest off-key note reminded me of those fat people who judge the gymnastics. Lopez knows better than anyone the power of Pro Tools. I mean, for fuck’s sake.

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When Liam Newberry, a young man from Cleveland, got up to sing a Sinatra tune, the judges could barely contain their laughter because, you know, he wore thick glasses and blue pants, and looked a bit nerdy. But he sang the song in tune and would surely benefit from some coaching further into the competition. But no, they cut him because Keith Urban said that he wasn’t sexy enough. KEITH URBAN! The grown man with emo hair. What a fucking tool.

Throughout the whole thing, Harry Connick Jr. tried to be funny but just came across like the class clown. Khrystian D’Avis arrived speaking in an Italian accent but then lost it after her rendition of Whitney’s “Saving all my Love for You.” The judges picked upon that, decided that her song was average, but let her through anyway. Apparently, she had the “mystery something.”

Xavier Cavillo from Dearborn Heights was sent packing after a frantic and interesting version of CCR’s “Have You Ever Seen the Rain” – must have been a little too interesting.

So Fuck you, American Idol. The show is designed to deaden the senses and push dull music onto people who should know better. Any bar show on any night in Metro Detroit is more entertaining than this brain-rot. I’m pissed with myself for watching it.


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  • Amanda

    Xavier isn’t giving up on his dreams :) thanks for the plug :)

  • Bryan Robles

    I’ve sang all my life. Started in a choir and moved on to winning karaoke contests and singing unplugged open mikes. When I heard Xavier sing I thought to myself Chris Daughtry..He had the BEST sound (Rock wise) out of the men..And to not get a golden ticket? I honestly thought they were messing with him, pulling a prank! I was shocked and changed the channel in disgust! I hope enough people get pissed about Xavier and how THEY did him. I don’t know him, and had never heard of him. I watch A.I. every year, and haven’t been this upset/shocked/pissed since Daughtry’s vote off and that friggin old lookin fuck win in that season. We have all seen less talented singers make to Hollywood..I mean a trip to Hollywood doesn’t gaurantee anything..But damn..Give him a chance! My heart goes out to him! Hopefully he keeps trying…

  • Bryan Robles

    Do you know him? If you do, please send him my best..I’ve been musical since 4th grade..Have a musical ear and loved his rendition of CCR…He got screwed!
    nybryan815@gmail

  • Randy Burbach

    None of those “talent” shows will ever produce a Joe Strummer, a Dylan, a Lennon nor a Janis (Joplin or Ian, take your pick), a Kate Bush, an Aretha

  • Chucky Patch

    it’s network “reality” TV. it’s not meant for anything but to plug shitty records and make people look like complete idiots for the entertainment of more idiots. Sadly I don’t have cable and like the TV on while I’m working on my computer so I saw it…..

  • Vivian

    The record companies still own all the Publishing. It is a way to get international Broadcast Royalties spinning cash out on those old school Publishing rights. Then the records and downloads – all on tunes keep the old school record companies paying their lawyers and accountants. It works – people are watching – commercials are buying and money is changing hands and one of those new voices will get a shot. That’s the hustle.

  • Vivian

    Ps. Swearing is appropriate for this. Bring on the country, Punk, Funk, Blues – all the organic music Detroit is known for…. I agree with you @City_Slang. Detroit has never laughed at the talent on the stage 14 – 80 – all the musicians and bars bring it balls out for generations until this tv trash showed up for a hot minute.

  • LadyBlue1

    ty you are right I agree I do not watch it either ..and the Detroit auditions ..as you said what i heard ..were a joke ….heavily influenced and sadly.. it should be talent ..not who your friends are .. NON SINGERS SHOULD NOT JUDGE singers ..and personally I do not find Keith Urban sexy either but some may lol tc

  • Liam Newberry

    Hey thanks for the kind words man. I only tried out on a whim, and it was a cool experience. I’ve actually gotten quite a bit of work from it, so everything worked out well!