Celine Dion is far more poisonous than One Direction

January 6, 2014
By

One Direction

Every right-thinking adult knows that boy bands suck. We know that this music is mass-manufactured by corporate money-men, and that the image is think-tanked to the point of pristine. We know that teams of people work on the songs until they are polished enough to satisfy the most dollar-hungry desk pig, and we know that further teams of people work on the dance routines until they are clean enough to please the parents but risqué enough to titillate the freshly titillate-able. It’s a fine, awful balance, and as right-thinking adults, we know that.

However, there was a time when we weren’t right-thinking adults. Every one of us was a pre-teen once, then a tween, and then a teen. Chances are, we liked some easy, melodic, disposable pop music at one time in our lives. Personally, I had my Kylie Minogue phase. We go through it, and we get over it. We might hold a little nostalgic warmth for our old childhood darlings, but we embrace it for what it is. That’s why you don’t see many women in their late 30’s wearing New Kids on the Block shirts but, when NKOTB tours, the venues will be packed with people reliving a more innocent time for one night only.

Of course, the New Kids largely went away, and were replaced with the Backstreet Boys. In England, Take That were the boy band kings. Then NSYNC came and went. Big Time Rush was something for a minute. Right now, One Direction is the band making children faint.

Some adults get angry about One Direction, and other teen stars like Justin Bieber. Some claim that this corporate nonsense is killing music, that it is hurting real musicians. The truth is, if One Direction didn’t exist, the fans wouldn’t suddenly start buying Bob Dylan, Iggy Pop and Marvin Gaye records. They just wouldn’t. Rather, those kids would play video games and watch reality TV. One Direction isn’t an alternative to different music, it’s an alternative to other forms of teen entertainment.

Celine-Dion-Je-Lui-Dirai

That’s why I don’t hate One Direction. I don’t hate Justin Bieber and I didn’t hate NSYNC, etc. It makes no more sense for an adult to hate these people than it does to hate the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, or Spongebob Squarepants. It’s not for us. This is children’s entertainment. Why get angry? Justin Bieber isn’t looking coyly into the camera for you, Mr. 40-year-old auto worker from Wyandotte.

That’s not to say that we shouldn’t get mad about other musicians. There are far greater offenders than the boy bands. Celine Dion is, in this writer’s opinion, the worst. Grown up, free-thinking adults all over the world like this monster, and many flock to her (shiver) Vegas shows.

You see, that’s the difference. People grow out of One Direction, but adults still fall into the Dion trap. While she’s feigning emotion and integrity, playing the part of the deeply affected maiden and singing the most detestable tripe, people who should know better are parting with dollar after dollar.

Sure, Dion can hold a note, as can Mariah Carey (Dion isn’t the only offender). But since when did music become a science rather than art? Celine Dion hasn’t meant one single line of lyric that her career has spewed out. That song from Titanic was her shit-peak.

Let the kids have their kiddie music, people. But let’s grow out of the adult-oriented bullshit.

Tags: , , , , , ,

  • Chris Conner

    You clearly have not done your research on Celine Dion…She is a singer, yes, not a writer so, if you are using that as the basis of “Dion hasn’t meant one single line of lyric” you are greatly mistaken. If you are reaching for artists that are hurting real musicians, Britney Spears is a great source – Clearly from her mimed, over produced Vegas show which requires $2500 to meet her for literally 3-5 seconds long. Her career was generated from hours of studio computer generations. Watch any video of Celine Dion in the studio creating a new album and see why Caesars Palace built her The Colosseum; for her talent.

  • Brett Callwood

    Nope, sorry. Britney Spears is a great example of a child star for children. She’ll eventually go away. Celine Dion ropes people in, encourages people to believe that she’s sincere. She’s everything that’s wrong with music. But I appreciate the reply.

  • Jim Knight

    I not only 100% disagree with this entire article, but I also don’t understand it. Are you claiming that if one does not stop listening to an artist, then they are being rope in. I also do not understand where this hatred stems from. Clearly she is beloved my many if she has sold more than 220 million albums. And I do not believe that you can judge how much emotion and sincerity she sings with. Whether or not you like her music, one cannot deny her love for her fans and music is unconditional.

  • Adam S

    Crappiest and most unfounded article I’ve ever read. I suggest that you get over your One direction boy crush and find something more factual to write about.

  • Manny

    You obviously know nothing about Celine Dion. Some of her music might be cheesy, I’m the first to admit it, but it IS sincere and when she sings she means every word of it. Art isn’t just what YOU want/think it to be. Get off your high horse. The lyrics in her songs actually have meaning unlike 90% of the singers that came after her. Why shiver at her performing in Vegas? FRANK SINATRA and ELVIS PRESLEY performed in Vegas. Frank is the best male singer of his generation and probably the best interpreter of lyrics. She’s not irresponsible and stays home with her kids unlike other famous mothers. Her voice is unparalleled and her career is superior to all. Bullsh*t article.

  • Jordan D.

    The zest with which you broach a topic that is comprised completely upon personal taste, or lack thereof, is commendable. Also commendable is your flashy, attention seeking title. Regrettably, there is little else to be praised in your diatribe against the “poisonous” “monster” that is Celine Dion. Before I continue let me assure you that my musical preferences run the gamut between classical and bluegrass. I am not one of the woefully cursed victims of insincere songbirds. That being said, you fail to take into account the vital variable of why people choose the music that they do—emotion. You cannot have a seventy year old man listen to Miley Cyrus and expect him to like it simply because her career is a series of expertly staged publicity stunts and scandals, fueled by millions of dollars. He won’t hear all the carefully calculated vocals, pieced together in a studio over the course of months to music that is exactly the right length and beats that are exactly memorable enough—he will hear music he simply doesn’t like because it does not resonate with him. Nothing in his heart or soul will hearken to that music no matter how hard record companies try to make it irresistible. But if he does like it, by some chance, does that immediately make him brainwashed? Your assessment of the state of modern music completely omits the most important part, the human.

  • Deo M

    One of the most weakest arguments I have ever read. People listen to music for the pleasure of it. How can you dare say that the legendary Celine Dion is poisonous. You may see her music as being tasteless but her record sales of over 250 millions proves differently. One of the most gifted singer the world has ever seen. Celine doesn’t write her own music, she has song writers write songs for her. Not all of her music are based on her life or her experience so not every line should mean something, Every line may not have a meaning but she sang it beautifully and thats all that matters. Many would disagree with your harsh description of the power ballad that made that women famous. Your siding with some of the most shittiest artist like Justine Bieber and One Direction. Sons of bitches cant even hit a hot to save their lives. Compare Celines success to any of this artist. You will see what makes her special and her shows are worth every penny.

  • syrfr

    I don’t care if artist doesn’t write their own songs. In Celine’s case it’s a good thing she find songs for her to sing because it gives people who write song without the talent to sing or the look for showbiz a chance to be acknowledged. What is so insincere about that? I’ve been listening to Celine since forever not only because she sings catchy songs or sad ballads but because her voice and her singing technique it’s whats missing in today’s music but that’s just me.

    Besides this article is totally irrelevant. MAYBE adults are fans of Celine, Mariah and Britney because they grew up listening to them. They were around when these acts were most popular. They have aged along with their fans, who are now adults. So how can you be so sure that acts like One Direction or Miley Cyrus will not be relevant anymore in the future. How can you be so sure that their fans who likes their music now won’t like their music in the future? If you are so sure then you’re kinda saying Celine’s music is so frickin good that’s why people still want to see her in Vegas today. So I guess I take back what I said about this article being irrelevant. :)

  • Roger Bourassa

    This Celine Dion bashing is unfair, ridiculous and based on nothing than your own taste Brett. You are entitled to not like what she does but why do you have to be so rude and insult those who respect her?

  • Josh

    You overlook one of the principle reasons Dion has such a following: she has a beautiful voice. People love listening to it. I would agree that a lot of her material is tripe and I too believe she may lose a degree of sincerity as she launches into the same repertoire night after night. But if it specifically the sound she emotes that people find so compelling, what she sings about and whether or not she believes it become less important.

  • Andrew

    This is a clear example of the arrogance of the human mind. To think that, because one likes a singer (or song, or book, or movie), it means that singer (or song, or book, or movie) is good and, if one doesn’t like a singer, etc., it means that singer, etc., is bad, is a judgement. That immediately means that if I like something and you don’t, then you must have bad taste. The only other option is that I have bad taste and that would be ridiculous (according to the arrogant ego mind). This article is just another example of how we judge each other. It’s sad. When will the human race stop judging art? Art is subjective. And, whether or not you like Ms. Dion (or anyone else), it is simply your opinion. Don’t be so arrogant as to think your opinion is the only proper one. You enjoy what you like and just let others enjoy what they like without being self-righteous. Some people like Celine Dion. Some people like Marilyn Manson. Some people like The Beatles. Some people like modern art. Some people like art from the Renaissance period. Nothing is good or bad. Nothing is better than anything else. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

  • Neil

    Beautifully expressed!

  • NYstrele

    sir, i do hope that you would never (ever) consider calling yourself a journalist. douchebag, yes, but writer, no.

  • Brett Callwood

    OK, this one’s my favorite. Well played, sir.

  • AppleMat

    What the hell? Who on earth are you? Celine Dion has an amazing voice. I grew up listening to her songs as a child and have continued to buy her albums into my adulthood.

    I can’t imagine for one minute that you have any sense of clarity in your thoughts because when it comes down to it if i want to buy celine dions records it’s because i love her voice, would i care if she weren’t a nice person too? Probably not.

    Either way, she has sold over 220 Million records worldwide. that’s numbers you or i could ever imagine so maybe take your personal vendetta somewhere where people actually a) care about your opinion and b) where the people are braindead or perhaps severely retarded so you have someone who will have the same mental capacity as you and will agree with you.

  • Víctor

    The arrogance in every single word of this text is poisonous, not Céline Dion. She’s just a singer (notice the word singer, not songwriter). I don’t know why people like you criticize artists who don’t write their own songs. Do you have some sort of superior judgement? Would you criticize Meryl Streep for not being a screenwriter and having other people writing the roles she performs on screen?… Some singers are JUST vocalists, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

    Céline Dion is one of the best singers in Pop music history. She’s well-known and respected by her peers and people alike for her unique voice, and she can sing pretty much any music style (if you would have done some research, just a couple of YouTube videos, maybe you’d knew that). And by the way, if you have to trash her name in order to defend what YOU think is good music, instead of using unbiased arguments… well, then maybe you are the one whose writing sucks and not the lyrics she sings.

  • Brett Callwood

    Goes to show – 220 million people CAN be wrong. Do you know how many people watch reality TV?

  • kris

    A real ignorant mofo wrote this article, it so terribly suck and makes no sense like dont you have anything better to do. Its so funny that one would takr such time to write a shitty meaningless article like this.

  • Darlene Carrasco

    Ok to the person who said Celine Dion is more poisonous than One Direction needs to get the hell off my planet. What’s wrong with you? Jealous because of the superficial things she has or the attention she receives? What the hell? Who died and made you the king of music? That you are allowed to tell others who they can listen to because it’s real music well screw you. Your article was trash and it made no sense. For starters, comparing one of the greatest voices alive to a boy band that will be done in 2 minutes is wrong. Honestly, the boy band does more roping in filling these young girls heads with crap that might make their impressioned minds wonder while Celine’s music helps people out with their pain and struggle. She also sings these songs like she relates to the story line.. Also even though she does not write her songs, Celine is responsible for inspiration for which they were written. Linda Perry wrote a song for and inspired by Celine about her struggles with being who she is as a person. Other things you may not know is that she has co-written a few of her English songs, and some of her French songs. I just don’t understand your logic behind your dumb opinion. Really she is not poisonous! Tho let me tell you what is. It’s people sing about sex, and drugs. It’s people who do vulgarity to get attention. It’s people who like shock value…Yeah that’s what poisonous and one of the reason’s I do not listen to today’s crappy music.
    Oh btw Mariah Carey? Really? Her past stuff is no where near the level of poisonous that you were getting at.. I am done and I know I did not make any sense but atleast I got to vent about your useless article. It’s laughable beyond words.

  • JLW

    This article is such bullshit! Celine Dion is the best talent we have in music by far!

  • Brett Callwood

    I just read this comment out to the office. Easily the best so far. Keep them coming.
    This is my favorite bit: “Linda Perry wrote a song for and inspired by Celine about her struggles with being who she is as a person.” I would imagine that is one hell of a struggle.

  • Sam

    Wasn’t sure what to expect, but now I know hate floods from all directions. I’m a huge fan of One Direction and Celine Dion. And I’m critical and picky. Firstly, Boy bands almost always originate from a manufactured source, but gradually gravitate towards their own artistry. Only fools judge people on where they begin, especially over something so fickle as a musical origin. You claim fans move on from these bands, but immediately contradict yourself by stating they’ll attend concert tours. If even for just a night, they obviously remained fans over many years and perhaps decades. Pointless roundabout. Secondly, insulting Celine Dion’s gravitas? Wow. On such unfounded principles too. Assuming she has never “meant one single line” she has sung, she’s still clearly portrayed it well enough to be the best selling women artist of all time. True, she is more of a technical singer than a emotive one, but just because you’re cynical doesn’t mean she can’t emote.
    There are so many writers out there that seem to think, negative criticisms and analysis makes for better articles and stronger writing, when really, it’s a half glass empty scenario, revealing a bitterly self conscious person.

  • Spencer

    What, specifically, do you think Celine Dion does to “rope” people in? Is she really that powerful? Your argument would suggest that she isn’t the greatest female singer of all time. A singer is one thing while a writer is another. I would bet you consider yourself a writer; does that imply that you should be able to sing, also? Your quick to criticize rather than talk about specific facts. Your “personal” opinion is what has been expressed in this article, nothing else.

  • AppleMat

    No, there is only one person who is wrong here. Just look at the comments on the story you wrote.
    I can scarcely believe your editor allowed you to publish such garbage. Good luck in your career. I mean that most sincerely, you definitely need all of the luck you can get if you’re to continue being a “journalist”.

  • dfq

    MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

    writer successfully attracts celine dion and 1 direction fans to read and post comments.

    fans, please understand what these articles are for. they are only written to attract the page views. pathetic “writer” apparently knows how a page view bait works in the same way celine and 1d know who their target audience are.

  • Gandhalf

    I read it all and I only have to say that ‘this writer’ should respect one’s opinion and choices without judging. Cause judging is only for God!

  • Jeebus

    I just talked to God, and he says you’re a moron.

  • Natasha

    I have never been so offended by an article before. This is so unfounded! So we all are lost in our childhood because we still support Celine, one of the greatest female singers ever. This article is based on your taste. Yes i know that Celine isnt for everyone but to sell over 200 million albums, thats got to say something right. Celine is definitely sincere and a a down to earth person. Ask anyone who has met her!! I have a friend of mine who has met her and said just that. By the way Brett if you had done your research, you would have found out that Celine had many struggles as a kid with being unpopular etc. Of course Celine Dion has struggles in life, we all do. Celine is human and has to face good and bad things in life too. Oh yes according to you 200 odd million people are wrong and you are the voice of reason, saying we are all brainwashed. Also i think comparing Celine to boybands is completely absurd. If you actually see celine live, you would relasie what an amazing and gofted singer she is. Her Vegas show is incredible! The beauty of all the different genres of music is that we can all enjoy it and we all have our own tastes. The difference is we dont go offending other people who maybe dont like the same artist as us. This one of the wrost articles ive read. So unresearched and biased!

  • Brett Callwood

    “I have never been so offended by an article before.” Really, Natasha? Have you never read anything by the likes of Glenn Beck?
    On the plus side, I’m proud that I got such an emotional response from you.

  • gabs

    I understand you do not like her style.
    Please spend a few hours researching her,
    how she got here….how she records the songs……experiences from those who have worked with her.
    Then……….give your opinion. thanks

  • Bkitt

    Mr. Callwood, opinions are like rear ends, and yours definitely stinks…You can’t possibly be an adult if you believe your opinion is better than millions of other people around the world. Did you happen to catch the number of people attending the sold out Celine concerts in Bercy last month or the fact that she released two albums in the last year? Sans Attendre in French and Loved Me Back to Life in English – of course, I’m sure you’ve never even listened to her songs though, and are probably someone who listens to the same song over and over because you can’t possibly tolerate anything different. For future reference, no one cares about your opinion, and no one ever will.

  • swagga

    I think the lil bitch who wrote this article was buttfucked with a stick by his best friend as a kid thus making him think it was worth while to write such a stupid article.

  • diva

    traduction….”Vous avez clairement pas fait vos recherches sur Céline Dion … Elle est une chanteuse, oui, pas un écrivain aussi, si vous utilisez ce que la base de “Dion n’a pas signifié une seule ligne de paroles” vous êtes grandement trompé . Si vous êtes atteint d’artistes qui nuisent à de vrais musiciens, Britney Spears est une grande source – Il est clair que de sa pantomime, spectacle produit sur ​​Vegas qui nécessite $ 2500 à sa rencontre pour littéralement 3-5 secondes. Sa carrière a été généré à partir d’heures de générations d’ordinateurs de studio. Regarder n’importe quelle vidéo de Céline Dion dans le studio la création d’un nouvel album et vous verrez pourquoi Caesars Palace lui a construit le Colisée, pour son talent…..PS.. Céline dion est la plus grande chante au monde,((world)) en déplaise a ta connerie” connard de brett”, Céline cé 250.000.000 MILLIONS ALBUMS VENDU DANS LE MONDE, LA OU ELLE PASSE SES “SOLDES-OUT”” en EUROPE EST DANS LE MONDE, “brett de mes fesses tu est un imposteur frustrer est jaloux vive “QEEN CÉLINE KISS”….

  • Nicholas Forbes

    My God, i hear and read so many ignorant persons bashing Celine Dion why? i don’t understand it, she has been one of the greatest influences of music to ever grace this mold of dust and rocks on which we call earth. sold over 220 million albums, i mean is it me or just the people in Hollywood bias against her.. You are saying that her music is poisonous, why ? she purely sings of Love, is that poison or would you rather her take off her clothes and drop its like its hot and sing about sex and an orgy, because that is poison , really?
    i mean is confusing to me, why you must bash her for reason, i don’t know and then you praise One Direction, why that’s makes no sense. they’ll be over before we all know it, she been around for 30 years now and still her latest album sold 1.5 million copies in the space of 5 weeks now tell me is you just hate her or is this some act to get people to dislike you because it is happening sir, really it is

  • kkuz

    “Since when did music become and science rather than art?” The person who wrote this is an IDIOT! I can’t believe this moron is downplaying the fact that Celine Dion can actually sing. He prolly thinks the radio is good music! I don’t even like Celine Dion either! Douche!

  • http://www.twitter.com/paulosergiomdc Paulo Sérgio Martins

    I think the commentary probably misses the talent/gift bits and that itself is quite subjective – not everyone can see great vocal talent/gift or great live performance as great assets in the business. Plus there’s a whole lot of manufactured pop here. Not to say that any of these artists don’t work very hard to make their acts work. Even Whitney worked her voice. And Michael his stage moves. Very few artists consistently write their own music, while performing it to satisfactory live standards in front of thousands of people. There’s a reason bands like U2 consistently are one of the top touring bands, and also one of the most awarded.

  • Marc

    I don’t agree at all! Celine Dion is the only out there that can sing and she’s the only legend we have left in this world! She’s the best!

  • umberto

    they are all rubbish !!!!

  • Virginia Mailman

    After skimming through the comments here, I can see I am in the minority. I still think that Celine has a wonderful voice, but I agree in general with Brett C. After Titanic movie was released, I tried to keep up with news stories, video interviews, and articles about Celine. I soon became very “disillusioned.” She is, or at least was, incredibly self-centered and conceited. Reminds me of way too many pro athletes, especially in the NBA ….. overgrown spoiled brats.