Gawker can suck it

December 12, 2013
Gawker? Fuck those guys!

Gawker? Fuck those guys!

In the past, we’ve enjoyed reading Gawker because of its penchant for taking the piss out of self-important figures. These jaded news-watchers have usually trained their sights on celebrities, moguls and other gasbags, with satisfactory results.

But then we looked at a piece about Detroit in Gawker this week and thought, “That’s some seriously stupid bullshit right there.”

The “article” in question was the content of a “campfire” chat between various bloggers about what was to be done about Detroit. And it shows that the folks who write for Gawker shouldn’t comment on stuff they obviously don’t know or really care about.

That’s because the “article,” which the editors probably thought was a snarky, irreverent, laugh-a-minute chat that would stand on its own as a Gawker post, was a piece of offensive, self-important horseshit. Anybody who knows humor knows that, to be really funny, you only pick on big people, never little ones.

But that news hasn’t been passed on to the people at Gawker. They exhibit a passing familiarity with the issues facing Detroit, all while flaming one another and spitballing ideas any Detroiter would find offensive.

And watching these well-fed coastal bloggers joking about an underclass they obviously don’t know and haven’t reported on makes us want to puke with rage.

Have a look at this piece of indulgent writing, if you can stand it. They think they’re so funny. They think they’re so cute. They don’t really need knowledge or love of Detroit to write. They, after all, are the real celebrities, like it’s the office at TMZ, and they’re the real stars. Detroit is just a punch line, a construct they can use to act out their snarky little office theater.

It seems that, once upon a time, a reporter or writer used to report on the world. If they wanted a story, they had to chase somebody around a block, or sit in a car watching a window and drinking shitty coffee. You see, that’s not journalism anymore. Journalism is sitting in your fucking pajamas in an expensive loft apartment watching TV and running a chat log with other people watching TV in their loft apartments.

After reading this crap, don’t you wish these fuckers could be kidnapped, blindfolded and dropped off in a tuxedo at the corner of Dexter and Richton at 2 a.m.? It’s enough to make you want to break Bobby Ferguson out of the federal pen just so he can go give these self-absorbed twits a Detroit-style pistol-whipping. Fuck these guys!

Should you choose to peruse this vile chat, note how the comments section is enormously more interesting than the actual “discussion” between the Gawkerites.


  • thanks for bashing detroit

    you know that writing doesn’t have to be literal, right?

    i don’t know what English program failed you (hopefully not our humble Midwestern public schools, as that would reflect poorly on me as well), but there is only one serious premise in there that exclusively deals with detroit: sell the art to pay down debt. which is not an unreasonable position! i personally disagree, but i can see the merits of Hamilton’s points. every other argument is not meant literally, and you have to be deliberately obtuse (or actually think so little of others) to read them as such.

    bullet points:
    -it’s not an article (or “article,” fuck scare quotes), it’s a post. you might want to check out the internet if you’re unfamiliar.
    -Campfire chat is the equivalent of their morning meeting (and is capitalized, not quotationalized)

    -the chat is never really about detroit. it’s about how to reconcile having public luxury goods or anything that benefits a well-off subset of people when other residents face basic struggles. this same question exists in any city that is not 100% wealthy.
    -read “On Smarm” (correct use of quotation marks) and you’ll understand Scocca’s ribbing (and not make stupid generalizations about Gawker, coastal writers, needing-to-experiencit-it to-understand-it, etc.)
    -there’s actually a lot of philosophy discussed. they write that in these things called “books” (did you see what I did there?). you might want to check one out, because it clearly went over your head.

  • yaya

    grow a skin. i don’t like jokes about selling the DIA art, but i’m not going to spend intellectual thought over it.

  • Leyland ‘$$$’ DeVito

    But instead of really sinking their teeth into the topic of selling

  • Aiede

    You gave them the page views. Their work here is done.

  • patchesohoulihan

    This is awful! Their socialism is even more idiotic an pathetic than MT (and you guys do put the empty in the MT). Where do these political deviants get off disagreeing with the party line? And they even include my favorite, “check your privileges,” right after saying that class enemies should be executed and their property seized, they then advise who is permitted to speak and when. This is everything ever written negative about the left by Orwell to von Mises. Scratch a lefty and find a totalitarian.

    This only proves the far left is as big a threat to liberty as fascism.

  • Chris Scott Dellas

    Way to give them more ink!

  • EZehnder

    “After reading this crap, don’t you wish these fuckers could be
    kidnapped, blindfolded and dropped off in a tuxedo at the corner of
    Dexter and Richton at 2 a.m.? It’s enough to make you want to break
    Bobby Ferguson out of the federal pen just so he can go give these
    self-absorbed twits a Detroit-style pistol-whipping. Fuck these guys!”

    Yeah, I wish we could show them how great Detroit is by dropping them off dressed as a rich person at a corner that, according to your post, would GUARANTEE THEY GET MURDERED!

    We should definitely break that guy out so he could give them Detroit-branded pistol-whipping which is totally a thing.

  • Tftftft

    Gawker wasting time with that is almost as lame as Metro Times wasting time with this. Who gives a shit?

  • Dee D

    WOW!!! Looks like you’ve got more of the same people that don’t know or care enough about DETROIT to actually know what they’re talking about!!! If the commentors before me love Gawker so much, why did they take the time to comment here? Oh yes, that’s right! Because they’re probably miserable,ignorant, depressed, haven’t had a shower in months because they can’t get their useless asses up from the computer kinda people. I tell you what, drop them AND the folks at Gawker off at the corner of Puritain and Wyoming……. we’ll handle it, ha!!!!! Dont even bother with the tux, their deer-in-the-headlights wtf! stare will suffice….

  • Doc d20

    MT loves to give the snark, but can’t take it.

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