What is a Hipster?
I have been accused of being one. I have been asked what they are. And at the end of the day I have no fucking clue how to respond.
A Hipster, as defined by Urban Dictionary is as follows:
Referring to young people of around 18-30 years of age, who drink cheap beer, listen to on-the-cusp famous musicians, and sport thrifted clothing; someone who is smart enough to regurgitate facts they Googled about philosophy, music, politics, art, etc. with you all day long, but not smart enough to see how big of a tool he or she is
They typically flock to any gentrified neighborhood, which explains why there is such a big population of them in neighborhoods like Woodbridge, Midtown— and the occasional downtown stray.
You can recognize an approaching Hipster if they are wearing a beanie, glasses that contain no prescription lenses and look like the bastard offspring of a hobo and a rocker.
After intense investigative research, by which I mean conducting observational research through sitting at local cafes and wandering around Midtown, I have concluded that defining a Hipster is akin to the Stewart maxim.
What is the Stewart maxim, you ask? U.S. Supreme Court Justice Potter Steward, in his concurring opinion from Jacobellis v Ohio, a 1964 case about obscenity and free speech, said of pornography:
“… under the First and Fourteenth Amendments criminal laws in this area are constitutionally limited to hard-core pornography. I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description; and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it when I see it …”
Also, Hipsters are a pain in the ass. Ask someone if they are afflicted with this malaise and they will most likely deny it. However, if following this denial they putting an LP on a record player while wearing boots with shorts, then your suspicions will indeed be correct.
“You can’t really define a Hipster,” claimed Nietzsche, “For this in itself would be classifying them into a certain category, which goes against their inherent dislike for being categorized.”
So I am faced with an existential dilemma that none of the great philosophers can help me overcome: Am I a Hipster?
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