Could It Be Magic? The Wonder Twins do Barry Manilow
This past Friday, the Wonder Twins spent the evening at the Fox Theatre with their mom and the man who writes the motherf**kinâ songs. Hereâs their first-hand account from the Mani-rave.
Laura: Yes. In fact, mom used to say, âHe can put his shoes under my bed any time.â Which I always thought was a little weird seeing as I never understood why Mr. Manilow was in need of a place to put his loafers.
DâAnne: Me neither. Although I donât get the feeling that his shoes are under any ladyâs bed.
Laura: Not that we want to dash the hopes and dreams of millions of Fanilows.
DâAnne: I wish Fanilows were, like, the middle class white lady version of Juggalos. Like, spraying Pepsi and Dr. Pepper all over the place and having huge Manilow-related stickers on the back windows of their modest sedans.
Laura: Yes. And it would have to be Pepsi and Dr. Pepper because Barry wrote commercial jingles for them back in the day. He actually wrote a lot of famous jingles. âLike a good neighbor, State Farm is there.â Thatâs Barry too.
DâAnne: Also, âI am stuck on Band-Aids…â In fact every time you buy a box of Band-Aids Barry Manilow gets a dollar.
Laura: You made that up.
DâAnne: You donât know.
Laura: Whatever. When we first got to the show, the ushers gave us all glow sticks. Which was great since I had the foresight to bring a few hits of ecstacy. I just had this feeling that seeing Barry Manilow live would be a lot like a rave. A Mani-rave!
DâAnne: When the usher gave me my glow stick I asked her what it was for and she said, âSo you can feel like a kid again.â I wanted to say, âLook lady, Iâm probably the youngest person here.â
Laura: I think we totally were.
DâAnne: When the lights went down, the crowd at the packed Fox Theatre went nuts. I havenât heard that much girly shrieking since we saw New Kids on the Block.
Laura: And for the next hour and a half, Barry Manilow tore some shit up. I mean, not literally — he did just have hip replacement surgery.
DâAnne: Which he blamed on â30 years of Copacabana.â Then he came out as a Vicodin addict.
Laura: Itâs a brave thing to come out. Ahem.
DâAnne: I cannot get over how much the ladies still love him. I think heâs almost 70, but his plastic surgery makes him look more like 700. Thank god we were in the nosebleed seats so we could pretend he doesnât look like an automatron now.
Laura: Heâll always have that Manilow Magic over the women. During âLooks Like We Made Itâ I saw one of the ushers reach up and undo her ponytail and shake her hair loose like women in the movies do when theyâre captivated by the power of masculinity and adult contemporary music.
DâAnne: One of my favorite parts of the show was during âWeekend In New Englandâ when he sang, âWhen can I touch you?â and a woman near the front screamed, âRight now!â He stopped playing for a second while the rest of the women in the audience whooped and hollered before saying, âI still got it!â
Laura: Heâs a pretty funny guy. Lots of witty stage banter. Like when he changed into a leather jacket and called himself âNew York City machoâ saying, âGive me a beer. Pull my finger.â
DâAnne: Or when he said that the song âIf I Should Love Againâ was inspired by old ladies and crack addicts on the Jersey shore.
Laura: Iâm pretty sure all good love songs are inspired by old ladies and crack addicts. Or at least Snooki.
DâAnne: I was really glad that the set list consisted primarily of vintage Barry. I was a little worried that weâd have to sit through a lot of his latest stuff, which consists of covers of his favorite songs through the decades.
Laura: He only did one, I think. A song by the Bee Gees. And âthrough the decadesâ stops for Barry Manilow at the 80s. He said, âI stopped at the 90s because even though Iâm one of the greatest rappers of all time I didnât want to do my own version of âBootylicious.ââ
DâAnne: Iâm thinking about starting a âTell Barry Manilow that the world needs his version of âBootyliciousââ online petition.
Laura: I would totally sign that.
DâAnne: Remember when Mom picked us and a friend up from junior high school and she was blasting Barry Manilowâs âDaybreakâ in the car?
Laura: And how that friend was horrified because she thought that he was singing âDate Rape?â
DâAnne: I canât hear that song any other way now.
Laura: Me either. Apparently Mom canât either because she leaned over to me as the song started and said, âItâs your âDate Rapeâ song!
DâAnne: We have a weird family.
Laura: Barry did a lot of cool stuff with video during the show. Like with the song âMandy.â He left the stage and this video started playing. He then came back out and started duetting with his 70âs self.
D’Anne: The only way it would have been better is if he had come back on stage wearing that exact same outfit. Itâs kind of the best outfit ever.
Laura: Itâs no wonder so many men soon grew resentful of him. How could the average American man possibly compete with a guy who wears skin tight glittery shirts and sings gooey love ballads?
DâAnne: It is not a look most men could pull off. It kind of says, âHey, kick my ass.â
Laura: More like, âHey, kick my ass and Iâll send you pictures of your wife tending to my injuries and a CD of the song I just wrote for her. Sucker.â
DâAnne: He might be the butt of a bajillion jokes, but this crowd – and the fact that a second show was added the next night – showed a lot of people love them some Barry.
Laura: True. And I have to admit, I teared up a couple of times when he played some of his more emotional ballads.
DâAnne: I think that was the handful of ecstacy you gobbled right before âCanât Smile Without You.â
Laura: Oh. Right.
DâAnne: Mom and I got high on Barryâs music alone.
Laura: Pshh. Squares.